Wiser by Day
Your Own Lane · Lesson 1 of 6 · Free
The sideways glance
Notice the sideways glance, count what it costs, and come back to your own road.
Listen at your own pace
Listen to The sideways glance
Playback starts only when you choose Play. The recording includes the teaching and reflection prompts. Quiet practice time is separate from the recording.
Read the recording transcriptThe lesson
Welcome. Comparing is nearly automatic. Over six short days we'll practise noticing it, and coming back to our own lane. Today, we only catch the glance.
Is any one preferred before you at an entertainment, or in a compliment, or in being admitted to a consultation? If these things are good, you ought to rejoice that he hath got them; and if they are evil, do not be grieved that you have not got them.Epictetus · Enchiridion, 25
Elizabeth Carter, 1758
Epictetus asks what we do when someone else is chosen, praised or invited, and we weren't. His answer is practical rather than stern. If the thing is good, it's fine that it exists. If it isn't, you've lost nothing. But before any of that, you have to notice the moment you glanced sideways. There's nothing wrong with seeing what others have. The trouble starts when we turn it into a verdict on ourselves.
Try it for yourself
A short reflection
Bring to mind one comparison from the past few days. Someone's news, a post, a success you noticed. Don't judge it. Just notice the moment of the glance, and what your body did. Then name it, silently: comparing. Breathe out. If it's a tender spot, take a small one, and you can stop whenever you wish. Take two and a half minutes.
One question to write about
Whom did you compare yourself to, and what did you feel?
You can reflect without writing. Nothing you think or write on this page is collected.
Recording transcript
This text follows the recorded narration. Source credits for the quoted passage appear above.
Welcome. Comparing is nearly automatic. Over six short days we'll practise noticing it, and coming back to our own lane. Today, we only catch the glance. From the Enchiridion, a short handbook by the Stoic teacher Epictetus, in Elizabeth Carter's translation. Is any one preferred before you at an entertainment, or in a compliment, or in being admitted to a consultation? If these things are good, you ought to rejoice that he hath got them; and if they are evil, do not be grieved that you have not got them. Epictetus, Enchiridion, 25. Epictetus asks what we do when someone else is chosen, praised or invited, and we weren't. His answer is practical rather than stern. If the thing is good, it's fine that it exists. If it isn't, you've lost nothing. But before any of that, you have to notice the moment you glanced sideways. There's nothing wrong with seeing what others have. The trouble starts when we turn it into a verdict on ourselves. Bring to mind one comparison from the past few days. Someone's news, a post, a success you noticed. Don't judge it. Just notice the moment of the glance, and what your body did. Then name it, silently: comparing. Breathe out. If it's a tender spot, take a small one, and you can stop whenever you wish. Take two and a half minutes. Whom did you compare yourself to, and what did you feel? That's enough for today. Tomorrow, we look at what envy costs.